fas-h-ion

h0 me t c 0/m e t carr'ye w/e l/l 0p e p as/s (ai/d) welling i'll t(e)ye t00 t/h ea r e t(h)rue

may 17, 2016 sup plan/t (&) mer~r(e)'ye t/b 0d e'ye th' bi b/le a.fxf t e're t/h (f) a L/L 0 ve/r~t i'm e t00 t/h's e'a.ye s(h)0 w/(h)e'ye t/h 0/n e st le'ye aste~r is k ' symbolic ally e tu be t0 ken 0wn-ai-l-ye-tu-b-spoken-t-rote- : up l0 a.d. i/n g a.m. 0r(e) t00 th e me'ye t/h r~0at (c)0ast b(eg)i/n e c~Le a.r e ~

one quest i on/e, one man too th an(d)s w/ear th e/a.ve n (t) d's y st em at a ll e a.ve n (t) d's a w/a~re v/e~n an (d e/b) t en d's~e/n d fi/t f/0re f r/i e nd's p.ea k/i n g ran d in/n sig h t' st.e a.d.

little min0, i put his 2 layer spandex shirt and coat on t0 g0/n e w/h~0/ut si.d.e, and say : i'll keep you warm as (t) m(e)ye a/rt i f/a~c/t

little min0, i put his 2 layer spandex shirt and coat on t0 g0/n e w/h~0/ut si.d.e, and say : i'll keep you warm as (t) m(e)ye a/rt i f/a~c/t in p.r. i.d.~e

speaking a w/are in k & my T

speaking a w/are in k & my T 0/0 t/h en i(gh)te b/b rig ht

speaking a w/are in k & my T 0/0 t/h en i(gh)te b/b rig ht 0/d aye T

1/31/16

ps as a men, you are s/t/ill in quest i on e w/hy m(e)n

you get you haven't earned a value with one women in the 0 pen.

you h-ave-one-w/-o-man- too-the-sup-po-rt-you-r-use-vain-to/o-bu-ye-tw/-h0-

this does not constitute value, it "constitutes" an ill-u-s/i-on-e- o/f-t-value- competitive-lie- : ie com-pet-i've-l-ye-

no completion has taken p(L)ace c~u/r(e) r/e n t l ye

"w/-e-" d-0- h-ave cur-rent-l-ye-, t-(h-)anks, and y-ank's -0- pen- l- ye-.

so why do you think, if you speak nice words to no b/0 d/ye with follow thru even t0/0 x 2, this is my problem with you and your re-serve-t-w/-h-0-

basically, you mar-r/ie-d- people are creating a scene, of k-i.d.-s-, for no reason e tu b/e t'h' le 'h'em t0 me 0re any e b/0 d/ye

you "ta/ll-k-" as/s 0/n e ye t you -r-e k/n0/t inn 0.f/t inn th' 0 p/en line t/h ere p/u t/t

which "e-qua-ll's" bu-ye-see-que-ll-, re lay t ing only as vanity fore-s-h0-0k-

every thing you say and stand for today, is vanity speaking -0- w/- n- l-ie-

every thing you say and stand for today, is vanity speaking -0- w/- n- l-ie- n-ow/-e-in-c-

competitive lie, b.c. there is no reason for you to apparently t(h)ink 0/n e me

so it is easy for you to practice what you preach with no re all value in the t each (you have gotten rid-e- of the "competition" too the c0/m p ea.t 0/n e t-he-e-)

so it is easy for you to practice what you preach with no re all value in the t each and no "substitute" of your hierarchical vanity e vain t-(h-)rue-, as you have scabbed off my origin "in/n" you-r-e-vi-ew/-e-

you are a fraud-u-lent- woo-nd-

t-hat- does the w/-i-n/d-i/n-g-tw/-h0-

e-vain-t-(h-)ru-e-

no matter what "nice" and "po-l-i/t-e-" t-h-ing-e-s-t-you-

w/-e- need your words of love, that you c-ain-t- provide enough e vain 0/ft

From: Angela Cook <xubrnt@me.com>

Date: January 31, 2016 9:26:48 AM EST

To: "editor@thebollard.com" <editor@thebollard.com>

i know you like paul drinan for no reason, and paul drinan shits on me for no reason, gives me his word, as you do him, and does not use it by, buy, for, with, meaning t0 me, a gain.

this does not make you my f r/i e/nd.

if it does not make you my friend, it does not make you any body's re all friend.

so let's just keep that in mind as you relish inward lie, that i have contempt for relationships own lie you can espy in the "o" pen lie-n- ow/-e-in-t-i'm-e-

ps, i am working a lot. when i am not at the machine shop 5 to 6 days a week i am / was at the salon every day, other than the nights i have 4 hrs of class and over 3 hrs of drive time that day.

i am running a bu s~i/ness i/nn mye h ea. d, wile your -e- con-vi-c/t-i/on-e-i/s-t-de-ad- just saying for you-r- obsolete in-st-e-ad-

2/1/16

w/ ('h') as 'h' 2 0

w/ ('h') as 'h' 2 0 w/e~g/0~

b ark

b~0/n e 0/f tw/h 0 m(e)ye in k n~ew/e

i'm playing, and emptying some thoughts. min0 b/ark (s) all the time, and if i think of it possibly as saying something, b/ark, be one of too, too the t/re/e, b/e ar.k in nature ally e.

bark is the skin of the tree: b/ark is t 'h' e s~k i/n 0/f t/h' t/re/e

today i learned, because i also did it, about center drill, drill and tap. c/enter dr. i'll, is tapping a little hole for the dr. i'll too the f/all 0 w/e, for the tap too thread a s/c/r/ewe. g.a i/n/n

c/enter dr.i'll, dr.i'll and t/a p/t w/ 'h' 0le.

the 'whole' has a w/ 'h' 0le

the 'hole' is not meaningless w/ 'h' 0le , c/enter, dr.i'll and t~a/p t/a t(h)read

a couple of things happened this weekend, one i was in whole foods, looking for jojoba oil, and this guy, jerry, introduced himself and talked to me, and me to him, about the nubian lotion he was considering buying. it has a 2 dollar off coupon, and let him know in fall it was 50% off. he was talking about working in wood and metal, as with myself, then he plays drums and is writing a song on ad a.m. and eve, and i said it hasn't happened yet, and he didn't get it, because the bible told him so. basically, this conversation went from synchronicity to me walking away, because i couldn't honestly stand in refinement and give him my energy to blabber all over me about a go/d he didn't make or mate, like a b-all and chain to day t.

basically, the whole conviction of his ballast of conversation on me, was about how it is written, and "god" -t-his, and "god" t-hat, and i didn't want to spend my time this way, and walked away while he was still talking to me, and i felt really good about it, and didn't think about him at all as i wandered else where and tried samples.

he was interested in getting to know me and dating me and this "god" talk, was a pic/k-up-t-.

the second thing happened at whole foods as i was parking, i exited my car door, and the oafish person in the passenger seat of the car next to me, opened their car door into mine. they apologized. i turned and said audibly, what the fuck!

they loudly affirmed they apologized, and i guess that is meant to mean enough. my thought is, it isn't enough to apologize if you are not a ware. in t i'm e. ve(i)n p.r. i'm e

that's just me. w/here i find myself factually e t00 th' tee th

it makes sense in my lig at/u re

i'm kind of tired, and getting ready for another good day, and long day tomorrow.

you seemed off ;), are you reading between the words?

you were vexing.

i have some insight, however, perhaps, i don't feel like putting it into words just yet, or eye just want to be with it.

sorry, i think i am tired, and need to s lee p

2/2/16

w/ ('h') as 'h' 2 0

w/ ('h') as 'h' 2 0 w/e~'~d g/0~

just checking in, i am not sure how you took this, however, you do not seem to be responding well.

hash is weed, pot, par-t- of the d-rug & al/l-co-h-0l/e-

since i use 'h' with 'with' ie w/(it)h as a given, 'wash' as w/ash, and ea.ven w/(h)as h, gives the inclination to 'hash' or e 'h' as 'h', which is fine, but it still has a connotation to the weed / pot d-rug culture of our t-i'm-e- and when i ask myself why people do d-rug-s-, or any add-i-c/t-i/on-e-, basically it is b.c. they can't complete.

just like the law-st- bein-g- self-serving- to the finger -e- pointer-s-, just saying t-hey-e- are "creating" competition for no reason to take p-(L-)ace- "&" t-ax-e- those "one" of "two" w/-aye-s- for not p-(L-)ay-i/n-g-w/-(h-)ell-the-g-am-e-

"1" people are taxed with their morality as a choice in the matter. i/t basic ally is not a choice.

"2" creating competition for the sake of virtue unscene "2" -x- "too"

i was just trying to clarify with the addendum, w/h as h 0 w/e ' d c 0/n t r~a c/t u ally e in re L e/a. f x f~e / e d~e n sel~(too th') l ye

highlights today, the shift started this morning, i slept plenty ie i gave myself enough time to sleep, and yet i was begrudging, in a way, 1. i am thankful for the opportunity, however 1. i am doing everything lamely. i am being present, to work to school, not to the gym, not to studying, to christine and the salon as needed. so i am struggling with time management and feeling responsible for the present opportunities i have decided to undertake.

as i was driving to work, i just couldn't see how i was going to ever get time for me with this current schedule, and even time to study sufficiently, which makes a $2000 (granted) class, less valuable, than if i properly apply myself, among other things.

i feel i can't catch up ore do anything justice, and yet i must proceed. because i don't want to back off the 5 day work schedule that is also (paid) training. also, it is the vibe of being present, of willing to be present. if you do not show up consistently, people that i need to instruct me, may not feel inclined to invest in me, understandably.

then there is the driving, i am doing so much driving on class days, i am starting to get bummitus. not complaining physically about the drive, it isn't edging on endurance, just that i am not using my ass muscles, and i feel like i am atrophying.

so that is how i went to work, feeling kind of bummed, yearning, and slightly chagrinned, and willing to hold the line, nonetheless, and ride the opportunity as it presents it self, by being present as well.

i started work by cleaning an area, until i could hover, and learn, and then a machine was set up for me later in the day to do some milling. early morning to almost afternoon, i was mostly on my own. i remember i drank water from my voss glass bottle, i refill, and it hurt, the whole way down. it didn't feel right, and it made me feel nausea. i thought it would pass, and i walked back to the table that has my belongings on it, and sat on it for a moment, to be with the nausea, and then i thought it was mild, and was going to walk back to the break room and sit down, however as i got up and started in that direction, i felt more nausea, thought oh no, and got low, and lower, into a squat, and that is the last i remember.

no one saw me faint, and i am happy about that. i came to with my eyes closed, and i was scanning in my head, my memory or something, like trying to fill slots with files, and i was impeaching every option, no, scan, no, scan, no scan, rapid fire and fast, i was trying to make sense coming into consciousness, and i was not finding the answer. anyway, i opened my eyes, and picked my head off the side of a palette. sat there, some one walked by and gave me an odd stare, and i acknowledged, yes i am odd, and pretended to futz as he passed, and i tried to assess how i felt to get up, etc.

i faint for 2 reasons, over exertion, when i am not in very good shape, and when go from 0 activity to high energy. the other time i faint can be combined with activity, but it is highlighted by an emotional gravity.

i think that is what was going on today. curious the swallowing of water, in the wrong way? made me feel nausea and that i didn't recover from that, so much so, i thought i would go home, but that would mean, i may miss class, and i didn't want to do that, but i couldn't stop feeling nausea. i told jeff, not about the fainting, but about not feeling well, and he thought i should go outside first, and it is 50 degrees, and lovely, and i hung out, walked to the far end of the circular drive and back, and sat down on the concrete, stared at nature, then parked my head on my arms on my legs, and felt better, but still off.

went slow, the rest of the day, tried not to look at things that went in circles, as i didn't know how close the nausea was to inducing vomiting, and later in the day, fully recovered.

when i was outside, i reckoned. 2 things. 1 of late, 1 not of late.

1. of late is i am not feeling pain in the same way. i cracked my knee getting into the 3 wheel forklift, the seat is a battery pack, and i banged my knee into it audibly. i smarted instantly, and i as i waited for the the 2nd wave of injury, the full recognition, it didn't come, i didn't feel the full settling of pain, what i did feel is nausea. that has been happening a lot, i notice, something that should hurt, i wait for it, and i don't feel pain, i feel a wave of nausea, like that almost makes me want to faint, ie the knee in the forklift, i got in the seat, and as i sat there, i felt the nausea and to hold on a moment and not drive, because i think i am going to faint.

1. the scorpio in me can block pain, so i gather emotional pain, it may be hard to identify or put my finger on because i can block it. the thing is, the recognition is i did something powerful recently didn't i, and i think i rather would not want to deal with the intensity, as it concerns you, me, us, and s0/n e~

i had to reckon with myself to get straight.

curious holdings, i have been obsessed with icelandic designs red chloe hat. it is an expensive topper and i don't see it going on sale, and when i went by the local store that had it, they appear to be sold out. i decided, weird, emotionally, i decided to buy it because, emotionally, it makes me feel good, even if it was full price, so i went to get it, but i may not now. that doesn't make me feel bad, as i know what the emotion means, what it is linked to.

i have been told red is not my color. it is a red hat with a band / strip of periwinkle blue and orange top, with a framework and fretwork design that i like. i wanted to know what my attraction to a red hat is, if i also know that 'red' per se, is not my color apparently. i justified i like red accents, and it would go with my brown leather jacket i probably won't refurbish this winter, then i realized i have red boots, the calf / cow hair, i presume, from switzerland, and yeah, the ensemble of red hat and red shoes would just work.

i wanted the red hat, albeit not just red, but blue and orange too. the emotional quality bordering on obsession, to just buy the g/d/t (g0/d am thing) was such a relief to me, i mean, i acknowledged it just made me happy, and to just buy it and be on my (non obsessive) way. so that was the carrot on the stick to go get the hat.

as it turned out, i didn't see the hat there and the woman working chatted with me about these non conventional spandex, i would describe as morrocan print, with sparkles, fez's. and i tried them on, as i had previous, because i thought they would be a great gag for work. its a little greatly embellished, yet modern, spandex and sparkle ye cap. she picked out the 2 i thought looked best on me 2, the brown or the princess pink, purples, and yellow's any 8 year old girl with barbie would select. it feels right for the machine shop!

any way the emotional vibe / quality i am trying to be ok with is the re(a.)d. s/h0(e)s, and the h/at is re(a)d & b l 0/0 & 0 range t0p t0/0

now that i get that, i am ok, whether i get the actual hat or not. i get the identity in identification. which is to say, i get me in orientation.

it helps me true my course, rather than feeling at the mercy of ...

i've got a coordinate 2 do way

ni(gh)te

2/3/16

i bought the icelandic designs hat today after work, paid full price. excited? don't know. not buyers remorse, just tired in course. but it is all good. no fainting at work. just observing as much as i can too.

just thoughts: it is writ-ten-too-the-a-d/e-c-/i-eve-

"jerry" talked about trader joes, and "etc" and i said i used to work there and that is why i absolutely will not shop there. he cajoled me, as if my comment and experience and my consequent thought was something too-the-m.o.-c-king-0-ad-to-me-all-s-0w/-e-

trader joes wasting on per-p-0-'s-e- (e/d-e-) tu`-b-scene-

it is writ-ten- it has always been w/-(h-)r/i-t-/t-en-

i was studying geometric symbols and positions and location:

true posit i/on is a circle with a 'x' in the center like an axis, it also reminds me of astronomy, the symbol for earth. concentricity is a circle within a circle. con c/en/t r/i c(i)t(y/e). sym me/t r/ye & r(e)ye

i was thinking about 'V' as the direction e. g. 0, that 'V' is V0x in direct i/0n e, with (t) h'in g(e)'s aid. i pictured the 'V' c/l0/sing c/l0se/r, if the hinges closed inn 0/n e, the 'V' would be the 'I', with hinges re p(L)ea.t

trader joes didn't really create value too the in st i'll, they didn't create value, they do operate with the rig ht too the waste t0-0le-s-0le-

the v is the i, do you get it, if hinges ing e st re am t00 th~em.

imagine the v, the levers closing in like w/in~g's and you have 'I' /t a l~l a ga(i)n

why do you feel that way

0/k

i think the tinge of the purchase today was i couldn't purchase the hat online, as it didn't like something about my card, and i emailed the store, and asked them to call, and the customer service lady called, during my break, which is great, and i have to go outside because it is a metal building and reception doesn't work well inside, and it was raining outside, and i mentioned that, to imply, it would be greatly appreciated if we could get to the meat and bones of the reason for this call ie my request, and she wanted to know about my card, and the name on it, and how i tried it, and i, i just wanted the hat. and to not stand out in the rain, and to potentially miss the employee meeting after break. as it was, the employ meeting started, i noticed when i opened the door, and asked her to call me back if she had the hat. at lunch she hadn't called, so i called her. she said she sent me an email. great, but not great, as i am not with my computer to retrieve the email. i asked about the hat, she wanted to run the card, and gave me different prices for shipping, and i said No, i want to pick it up at the store. it was difficult, i finally got her to put it on hold for me. she chatted with me, about my work, she kept asking questions about it, and i wanted to talk about the hat, and how to purchase it, and the very least, how to hand off. she kept asking about my work and i said i do what i am told, and left a heavy rainy silence. i think she was miffed at me. i get she is being congenial, -and- she is also being unnecessary. i stated the conditions of communicating, and she seemed to , well, be ill defined. so, i didn't like that. still like that hat, on closer inspection, 'icelandic designs' is made in china, and for 40-50 dollars, depending on where you buy it, the light wool / acrylic hat is kinda pricey. i imagine icelandic designs makes a good profit on chinese manufacturing.

so maybe i feel a little bit bad about my acquired ownership, however, if i took it back on pre miss, i think i would feel a miss ing some thing the s(e)a.(i)m.e

so maybe i feel a little bit bad about my acquired ownership, however, if i took it back on pre miss, i think i would feel a miss ing some thing the s(e)a.(i)m.e in the pi/c t/u r/e 0n (e) me 0 w/n~ea. r/e~

perhaps i just like st a ll k i/n g

(another hat i like, that is fine wool / acrylic weave), more decorative than superior warming).

am i miss using w/(h)ea.ll t/h

what i bought today, although i think it is a little less vibrant in person than the picture

it says ' your ideal takes on a life of its own, financial prosperity leads you astray'

i wasn't sure if it was about you are me, however, i think it is about you.

alright, i got 'weariness, bitterness, aversion, disgust, stationary position in life'

are you h/ea/r again, rather h-ea-r-

is that what your colloquially-correct-composition-all-st-u-dye-s-have-b-r-ought-y/i-0-u-

this is tricky. the paul drinan thing, "wanting" too-t-he- compete with me for no reason. i haven't decided what i am going to do with that. mostly because i am making money i don't care about his "i/t".

he can't super seed me without me. so me being stationary excludes him from "growing" on me.

i am in the process of taking a different tangent with work and class, trying to still have balance, however, i will be candid, how i like to spend my wee free time is looking on line and silly shit, perhaps, like hats. just looking, window shopping? i am trying to get off this bus, in this sense, rather than buy a lot of useless poorly designed shit, i would rather throw my money behind my own ideas. and, the gesticulation of re/ad' sh0es & re/ad b l0/0 & 0 range t0/p (t)h at.

part of the trickiness is discerning your feelings about doing something, and so when i wanted to make a statement, in early january, you didn't seem on board, and that time to act on that, is not prime any longer. not until early april, when class is finished, and, i may be taking the second class, or may not. but, class and work for now. and trying to learn as much as i can from sam, as he is a real problem solver, and makes the tools to make the parts and do the job. i recognize his value, and he has health issues etc.

so the best i can do, and i question that, is to f(L)i/t. i question if i should just cut myself loose and pile drive studying...

i've been asked to design drill bit holders for the shop for the large machines. it is for me to have training in building things in the machine shop and to edify and organize the space. i have been thinking if i can design for the shop, perhaps i can design for me, have the work price quoted, buy the materials, and engage in making a product as part of my training. the inkless pen perhaps. haven't figured out the alloyed metal, though. it would be fun to actualize production on one of my ideas.

you can decor ate

and 0(0) re de sign~

well, let's work on i(gh)t

communicate as you w/ (h)i'll e

if you don't da(i)re the fa(i)r~e t00 th re c/line, an image is just fine, and i will interpret a par a di/g m~(e) in t i'm e

maybe design for yourself, as i would like one of these inkless pencils as well

i found the hamper, not to big and on sale half price. so excited about having this off my p(L)ate. silly, right,

re c/line in t i'm e

if fe ye w/an t 2 be t/rue l(e)ye t'0r i/g i/n a l~l e

pt p.r. i'm e c0n c/en/t r/i c(i)t(y/e) a.ll t'h i/n (e) d

2/4/16

weird, ore silly, i am thinking of taking the icelandic hat back. on principle, i paid full price for it, and i didn't get full price in re t ea. r/n

and eye lost the thrill of st all k i/n g f/0re re all e

2/6/16

w/h at are ye t/ celeba(-i-)te-ing-

b as k/e t00 th y(e)arn's pi ct u/re (e) f/f r~aim~e

t'h a.m. p~er e~a.d. 2 's c0~p(i)e d(e)ye d f/0re & f/0r t a L/L 0/n e c~L*aw/e d aw/ s~ an d0h le a.d. e w/e fxf l(e)ye i/n g('s eg)r a c e sea t h ai re ve in~s w/heater e/m b race tu' s~(h)0/u/nd p.r.00f i/n

you are pro-fan-i/n-g-o/n-e-per-p/0-s-e- too the see-dof-f-0re-m0-re-

you are just stup-i.d- 2-ad-0(0)-re- in-re-p-u/t-e-

you are just stup-i.d- 2-ad-0(0)-re- in-re-p-u/t-e- as-e-be-f-x-f-0re-i/n-g-

l-am-(e-)as-s- (u-r/e-)

tarot(email to me)

bought eddm wilmington

2/9/16

it is ironic for you to t(h)ink you can market silently on me & lent 2 x t00 the s(e/e) i/n k

p.s. i am tired of sharon' s-mug-ness, and scene hallow s-hallow-ness at my e X p/en se(e)

p.s. i am tired of sharon' s-mug-ness, and scene h-allow s-h/allow-ness at my e X p/en se(a) t 0/d aye t w/ (h) i/t (d) h

p.s. i am tired of sharon' s-mug-ness, and scene h-allow s-h/allow-ness at my e X p/en se(a) t 0/d aye t w/ (h) i/t (d) h e/a. ve n's (e) X p/en s~e (e/d)

p.s. i am tired of sharon' s-mug-ness, and scene h-allow s-h/allow-ness at my e X p/en se(a) t 0/d aye t w/ (h) i/t (d) h e/a. ve n's (e) X p/en s~e (e/d) e/b t00 the re lay t "w/-i/t-h-"

to -g/r-ease- an(e)-ye- t-action- as -t- c-ease-

sharon gives my value a-way- too people that haven't earned i/t actually.

sharon gives my value a-way- too people that haven't earned i/t actually -i/n- you-r-e-n-am-e- &- n-owe-n-a(-i-)m-e-

"&" sharon has no name without you-r- use - too- t-he-b-/e- t-he- b-/r-ave-

in h-er vain

go ahead, do your best to man-age something you have no po w/ere in st e a.d.

2/21/16

you are not thinking w/ell 0ve (t) me, you suc-h- 0- p-en-l-ye-

you feel better with a con t®act

latest : i bought 3 plants on the way to class: artillery fern (again), friendship plant (new for me) and something that didn't have a tag, but later found out it is called a crown of thorns, and although it has interesting flower petals, it is a succulent.

they sat on my kitchen counter for a week, or 2, some of them still are unplanted. when i found out the crown of thorns is a succulent, i purchased the right soil, on feb 14th, at the nursery. so many guys/ men, dawdling, and standing in line to buy flowers. i looked around, and was content with my bag of appropriate soil.

wanted a clay pot, as the succulent needs a container that doesn't hold in the water. couldn't find one for the price i particularly liked. i saw plenty that got the job done, but i wasn't thrilled, the base was a little off center, the color not just right, mass made (sloppily)... such a generic standard, i could become indifferent to "choice" in con-text-, which i blandly did, and didn't determine the pot to put the plant in, even though i had purchased the right soil.

crown of thorns, a miniature version i am told, is what i have, is in a lovely dessert hued ceramic planter i purchased a year or so ago, just hadn't found the right plant i wanted to put in it. lusty hopes that it will like the ceramic container (even though not clay) it's very own spot light next to my bed, and the plan to water less, so the roots don't decay.

so far so good, as it is sending up new leaves and flowers are opening, with new little starts on the way. so tender and hardy for a stalk you must be careful too the t/ouch.

the friendship plant, the owner of the garden center, likes this, he told that to me last time i purchased, and i remembered and wanted to try some new di/g's in the apartment, so i thought i would try the friendship plant now. previously, my feeling about the plant he preferred, was that it was old fashioned, like something my granny would have on a doily in the parlor. not quite an african violet, but a great neighbore.

i can't decide what to plant it in. i have looked about town. the best wins are pottery by artists and cherry bowls, or berry bowls. but they are expensive to be made by someone, about 30 to 70 a mid size bowl.

i thought to use the pottery my mom painted while taking a class, the year i was in her belly, then out of her belly. i use it in the bathroom to store hair ties and barrettes (none of which i am using in conclusive gain of t' hat): i feel indifferent about that.

you could say, my mom and i are 'friends' as she is dead and i have no beef with her/e in st/e a./d. the point is, i still feel indifferent. not to be mis(-s)read. the container is the right size for the friendship plant and what progress i project it will need for girth and growing.

i think while the berry bowls are expensive, and edgecomb pottery is too, with a lovely unique glaze, the thing that moves me in a purchase, which i would consider, the expense none the less, is i want the freindship plant to be pla(i)nted in a container that is a friend to me, that pleases me.

the fern, i can't decide whether to replace the one that has grown awry, o(u)r start a new in stubby virtue.

class is going well, i have had small break throughs, like understanding which decimal place i am reading, and although it probably looked like i was going to be the last to finish the project exercise on the lathe, holding dimensions and tolerances as specified, as i take my time measureing and remeasuring, using micrometers, depth gauges (which you read backwards and the number it 'is', is the number you don't see), verniers, ie the project i completed was on a 4 jaw chuck (you center each jaw yourself and measure with an indicator, as you spin the item to make sure it is centered, to the thousandth), versus a 3 jaw, centers the item for you. and i completed my project without digital readout. i hit the assigned measurement on the money, without a 1000 over or under.

the teacher said i have talent and he wants me to continue to the intermediate class that starts in april.

it is nice to have a few things gel, to build upon, and buoy understanding.

outside of that, it feels like spring, and while i am not going to roll out of winter, i sure feel like i can use the regularity of the gym. i'm out of touch with myself that way. not as fluid in my movement nor as unconsciously committed, and what i mean by that is the 'sway.'

if i go to the gym, i am naturally in touch with my own configuration, my movement in line with my carriage. i am developing a sloppy nonchalant posture. doing things out of the ordinary, like hoisting a plastic space station, complete with astronauts, onto the pipe above my assigned space in the covered parking area, so that i know when to stop backing up when parking, felt gawky. i am not as limber in these out of reach movements, and not as assured in confidence.

i was hoping after class wraps, i could get on the training gravy train. however, i see the point the teacher is saying, and plan on taking the intermediate class. b.c. learning machining in a decade, is probably a tall order, and i am trying to get this under my belt, so that i can be proficient and independent, well as much as possible: there will all ways be a new problem to solve, and communication resolve, to give it tooth in follow thru e.

nicely, i have purchased new running shoes, and am in the process of getting new custom orthotics, (about $350 if i remember rightly), min0 has a big order of full grain food on order, a melange of treats, a new batch of frisbees, a bigger size, that right now, are outpacing him in the catch, and lots of new treats to try.

he is accompanying me to work, and then to 4 hrs of class. while he gets outings, per my breaks and lunch, he does spend a lot of time in the car. so i try to get him things he can chew on, or adore, in a timely palatable fashion e too the re st/0re

the full finger bicycle gloves i lost the first day of working at trader joes opening, as i think someone took them out of my basket, then one was found, months later, in the store, probably used by an employee... i have finally replaced. they are on the way from rei. couldn't find the one's i had before, but have finally come across a pair that resembles the f(l)air.

i prefer the full finger, even in summer, no velcro, a stretchy wrist collet, flexible padding. 20 on sale. kind of funny it has taken me years to feel i can afford to replace what was be-got-t-en- f/r0~m e

i am looking into the leather coat project, as i am thinking i may want to consider hand stitching, ore rope stitching with leather lacing, as the leather i purchased to remake the fur jacket is thicker, and the seams when sewn together, and then topstitched may be a bit bulky, especially where they meet other seams.

so i have been studying online, what tools i may want, need, and the configuration of the coat. i don't wear it presently, as i tore it more, a huge flapping gash on the front. the gash has revealed, though, in part, there is some sort of insulation lining or binding. i need to explore it further, so understand if it is just for leather support, and/or for zipper and pockets, and/or if it runs thru the whole coat.

anyway, getting serious about 'di ve st i/n g' into this project.

i have pertinent notes to share. on top of the accumulated pile on my desk since september. i have vats of notes, that if i don't get too, i put in a plastic storage bin. i have several bins going t all ready e.

eye t c l0 t'h' e*

p.s. (sp)

d i.d. e'ye t'd0 'ye a.(d.) just ly~e

http://qz.com/621105/umberto-eco-changed-my-life/

i r(e)ad this today

by the way, i don't have to finish an(d)y e thing, per follow thru, i just need apparently to m(e)ark e t('s) c/r ewe

which is to say, paul drinan thinking he is motivating me to rise too his occasion to yet compete again for no reason, as-s- he-is-t- his w/-0-rd- 0-p/en-f-(r-)am-e- : i can do nothing and not work for his "gain" and keep m(e)ark e t i/n g a.d. just the s/am/e

my goal is to read 300 pages of a machining book, this week, and to perhaps get some camper or pikolino shoes;), so i am going to study, and check intermittently

paul drinan is not in the rig ht, and has n/eve/r been necessary. fund a m/e n/t a ll i t~ye. his every "move" is too calculate inter-e-st- in- too-t-he- "AND" he-m/akes (t) me w/ear t-his-t-a/b-u/s-e-

f-o/r-eve-r-t-rue-

witholding my me one ye, based on his spoken word, actuallized as a "word", until i follow thru, w/i(d)t h a n0 0ne tw/h 0, is the finest narcissim t-h'ey-e- can -t- ap-p-r0ve-

paul drinan is vanities "too-t-he"

worn on e very e w/0 m/en 's vert (h)u`e (paul has no measurement in and of himself to make t(h)rue: basically his "move" to not pay me my value, until i follow thru "on" his "2", is calculated master-bait-i/n-g- // he all re ad ye, does not allow/ (h) i/t rue.

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with what, a huss(e-)y/e-

we'll t/a ll k.

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with what, a huss(e-)y/e- s-lu-t-

w/e' ll t/a ll k.

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with what, a huss(e-)y/e- s-lu-t- 's- l0- t-

w/e' (ll) t/a ll k.

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with what, a huss(e-)y/e- s-lu-t- 's- l0- t-

w/e' (ll) t/a ll k in b~re a.t h~

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with what, a huss(e-)y/e- s-lu-t- 's- l0- t-

w/e' (ll) t/a ll k in b~re a.t h~ t00 th' st r ange r

w/e' (ll) t/a ll k in b~re a.t h~ t00 th' st r an/ge r

w/e' (ll) t/a ll k in b~re a.t h~ t00 th' st r a~n(d)g/e r

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with a what, a huss(e-)y/e- s-lu-t- 's- l0- t-

haw/- (h-)e/dg/e- nd-

he thinks he has provided for me, i say, with a what, a huss(e-)y/e- s-lu-t- 's- l0- t-

haw/- (h-)e/dg/e- nd- con-t-em-p-(l-)ate-d-

so this is mildly interesting. when i had mercy (free) care do to my income per trader joes, that "provided" me a plethora of (l-) opportunity, food stamps, rent assistence, and free mercy care vs their 60 a month insurance with a 20 co pay, i got 0 copay instead.

when i had mercy care, i went to the dermatologist for the boil on my ass, circa me-s-hell-. the staff treated me indifferently. did i add to this perception? not really, i mean i could think their callous indifference was due to me being on the nee-d-ye-, or just their o(w/-)n e collaborate i?on/e-

they are contacting me, to have my boil rechecked. they have left several messages over the months, and now have mailed me a letter, stating i am defying (my own good) common sense, -and- mailed the letter to my general practitioner.

it f-eel's- ore- fee-l's- just like coercion. the indifferent doc tore thinks he a.ll (t) 's t(h)e re c0/m p/en s~e 0/n e me t(w/~h)0

the fact of the matter, is his interest, he "gets" $250 via what would be mercy care (that i no longer have) for me to show in his care tu r f/a(i)r e apparent ly e

the fact of the matter, is his interest, he "gets" $250 via what would be mercy care (that i no longer have) for me to show in his care tu r f/a(i)r e apparent ly e a.r e a.r t/h a/nd e/b t/h ea.r t/h

it is funny, t-h/ey-e- are not indifferent when i do not need t-heir-e-serv(e)-ice's-

it is funny, t-h/ey-e- are not indifferent 0/n e me w/hen i do not need t-heir-e-serv(e)-ice's-h-e/a.-v/e-n-(t-)d's-en-d's-

it is funny, t-h/ey-e- are not indifferent 0/n e me w/hen i do not need t-heir-e-serv(e)-ice's-h-e/a.-v/e-n-(t-)d's-en-d's- a-ne w/e noose

a w/e noose just makes- nooze

"n-ew/e-s"

k-n/ew/e-s- e vain s-ow/-e-

s-ow/e-ye-a/r-e- c-re-at-e- i/n-g- un-i-"qu"-e- l/l-0-ve-s0-rt-(e-as-e-)'s-

f-0/n-t-'s e-ye-ar-t-p-lastic-/-ar-t- & c-/-ar(c-)t-ye-&-c-a-rd-e/b-tu-t-as/s-0(w/-)n-ai-l-et-tu-ce-re-make-the-sty-le-ye-0n-(per-)s-u-e-

your virtue / vert (h)ue, isn't in your follow t(h)rue pre sent l ye

is it st ill in your gam-e- too th- appear more virtue -0- us, than the next one you m-ad-e-t-h/en-d/g-ave-

just saying, there is a reason i h/ave t/m(e)ye t b/ac/k, 0/n e t/line

you can't follow me with your a-rt-i-f(f-)a-ct-

and s-owe- you "need" your negligen-t-s , too-t-he- l/l-a-s/t-e-

who do you think your baseless desire is st-e-all-i/n-g- f/r0m e.

bein g seen & h ea.r d 0/n e'ye p(L)at f0r/m

from share-r-one-

too x 2 sustain your i'm age of (t) l0 ve

(eye would say you are an improvised co-pi-lo-t-c-at-) adding- girth- too-t-h/at-(e)

we should talk about your "stud-ye-"

b/t/w i took the hat back, and i am no longer attracted to icelandic designs. i see them as ersatz in t-i'm-e-

somewhere i commented on your facebook comment, the "love" "one". in nit you say you studied, the me t a ll, to comprise your universe/all devotion in wood be at pr i'm e.

this is not true. i gave you the scop(i)e, you g-ave the pi-e(-ye)-d-e-vi-ate- vi-ewe- "2" -x- to/o- t-(he -c-am-e-w/-p.r.-0/0-f-e-)

you present yourself as if you lept from the womb fully formed. there is not mention of me, my thought my b ea. r i/n g. to give you scop(i)e 'h' a/nd' see i/n g ea.r th e re lay t in bein g re at e.

just saying. your pittance is- ta-king- on me act u ally e

it's ironic you sp ea. k of love, as if (i)t re pre sent's u/e

it does re-pre-sent-(s)u-e-vain-t-(h-)ru-e-

by the way, sharon didn't give the 'h', she gave the "h", s-h-allow/-e- as-t-he-m-aye-k-

and you re-s-h-ape-

truth, i am bored by your offering's on your e p-age-

you re-s-h-ape- "&" put a "license" of scene "use" on your mis(s-)ta/ke-

man, g-ave-t- "h" in-competitive-t-di's-grace-. sharone -g-ave-t-"h" "2" -x- "to/o"-t-he-m(e-)ate-

p.s. when you created a scene on me, for n/o re as o/n e tu b/e, i f0r e'ye give compensation, that only an idiot couldn't sea too the se/e : as i h/ave writ ten in your name ding le (pt) ber(e)ry e.

& you stove a "house" rhymes with louse, on me, too-k-eye-p-

tu-b-e/a-m-a(-i-)d-e-

too-t-he-k-eye-p-g-ave-

the only t/hing e t/hat makes you virtue, is that i reflect 0/n e ye w/ave

the only t/hing e t/hat makes you virtue, is that i reflect 0/n e ye w/ave t0/0 th' f x f all0w/ 'h' ave

paul drinan sees you as virtue, and me as defeat.

w/here does he get his recompense too t-h e/at

all i am saying is, i can be silent like you, now, and you will have no follow thru.

s-owe, get your unjust b-a-st-a-rd, from meye vi ewe

s-owe, get your unjust b-a-st-a-rd, from meye vi ewe t0/0 th(e) c0/m p(L)ea.t (e)

s-owe, get your unjust b-a-st-a-rd, from meye t vi ewe t0/0 th(e) c0/m p(L)ea.t (e)

s-owe, get your unjust b-a-st-a-rd, from meye t vi ewe t0/0 th(e) c0/m p(L)ea.t as/s 0w/e

s-owe, get you-r- un-just b-a-st-a-rd, from meye t vi ewe t0/0 th(e) c0/m p(L)ea.t as/s 0w/e

s-owe, get you-r- un-just b-a-st-a-rd, from meye t vi ewe t0/0 th(e) c0/m p(L)ea.t as/s 0w/e in tu

re pre sent i/n g your e p/age too th e/a. d.aye re st-0le-n-0w-e-ye-t-make- "&" -x- a/nd-(e-)ye-t-com-p-lain-

"The House Industries staff would like to spend more time developing new typography and less time worrying if our fonts are being stolen. So, we've created this easy-to-use section that explains our font licensing policies."

re pre sent i/n g your e p/age too th e/a. d.aye re st-0le-n-0w-e-ye-t-make- "&" -x- a/nd-(e-)ye-t-com-p-l-ain-t-0k-en-t-gam-e-

re pre sent i/n g your e p/age too th e/a. d.aye re st-0le-n-0w-e-ye-t-make- "&" -x- a/nd-(e-)ye-t-com-p-l-ain-t-0/k-en-t-gam-e-

an x-i-/e- t-ye-too-t-h/e-x-i/s-t-

the he-x-i/s-t('s) 00 the rig-ht-a/nd-le-ft-0/f-f-i/t-

there is this guy in class, and after grinding for 9 hrs at work, i washed and wore my overalls the next week, and still had fine metal chips in the pockets. i know this, because in class, demonstrating at the lathes, i put my hand in my pockets, and got a fine metal splinter under my nail. it bothered me, i felt it, rubbing the finger tip, but couldn't visibly see it.

given an opportunity, i put my finger under the lathe light to inspect. this was noticed by my class mates, aka 'the guy' and he made a comment about poor-little-me- aka, a female.

i didn't say anything, b.c. 1. i am used to "i/t" and i don't give a fig about the ass's trajectory e vain, and 2. i was tired. i didn't take "i/t" personally ie the perception he m-aid- of me. i knew my course t/h in t ea.rn ally e.

last week, he made a comment about the teacher, who has been around the block for 50 + years, and reshaped this nims (national institute for metal working) certified class, that was on it's last b-one- w/ in necessity.

the class was previously "t-aught- by 2 "teachers" that knew nothing about machining.

it occured to me then what the guy in class was / doing. he is nothing more than an insecure hair lip, competing on me, as with every body e.

the great value of this teacher is he is not a teacher per-se-e-, he is a machinist.

sow/rye that was "3" t-each-error's-

2/23/16

i'm not talking to you with share-r-one's-hi-t-at-t-eye-tu-de-

she is just a c-harming seducer, isn't s-"h"-e-

good luck with t-"h"at-

good luck with t-"h"at-e- vain

no need to pity, i have the day off from school, and i am not spending it with you.

i will talk to you to let you know, paul drinan thinks i am pompous with sophistry that masks conviction. the nerve, re all ye.

his feelings romance t-i'm-e-

his feelings romance t-i'm-e- t00-t-he-be-t-he-a-p.r.-e-t/t-ye-

his feelings romance t-i'm-e- t00-t-he-be-t-he-a-p.r.-e-t/t-ye-tu-

that is why paul drinan can "think" based on his "feelings" that he can use words with conviction, and steal from me on sigh-t- of his w/-him-

that is why women get stoned by men for questioning the core-r/an-s-

that is why paul drinan can "think" based on his "feelings" that he can use words with conviction, and steal from me on sigh-t- of-x-f- t-he- w/-him-

you are g-u-ilty of c0m-p-ass-

you are not guilty of c 0/m pass t0 g et'h'er e

i am not referring to sharon-e-

it is novel ambitions, i think the denoument is t each

it is novel ambitions, i think the denoument is t each t0/0 x 2 x t w/ h0 me t(h)rue

i wanted to clarify purchases from China. I am not opposed to buying Made in China. Phillippe Starck French industrial designer is all for assisting China to compete, which is to say, they have been competed on by every b-o/d-ye- and he is about giving a fair work a fair shake. anyway, my french bicycle glove arrived, and they are made in china. I am not opposed to 'made in china' per se, however, it is the industrial time-2-compete- taking short cuts to catch "up" to th' "us" scene for s-owe-n-t-mu-c-h-

dumping waste into a prime river, melamine in dog food and baby's milk as a filler. china has a connotation, besides the smog you can't see thru, of producing crap, and taking short cuts on their own people, nature, etc.

i am not opposed to buying from china, however, what i need is more transparency. when icelandic designs is an expensive hat, and it's made in china, i automatically think, the design company is making a "good" profit at the expense of the people in china, who are trying to compete with our suspiciously first wor(e)ld industry e.

trying to compete with our suspiciously first w/or(e)ld industry e b/bu ye th' i'm age 0/h ea. r/t

trying to compete with our suspiciously first w/or(e)ld industry e b/bu ye th' i'm age 0/h ea. r/t (h) i/n~s/i. d./e

c/a~s/t th' f i/r st 0/n e

should i blow paul drinan's do-ore-s- o ft, ore regard him as acting b-ad-ly-e- on-e-me -tu-b-scene-a-lo-t-

h that is gilty, c~a s/t 'h' f i/r st 0/n e

you don't pay attention very mu/c/h:

g i'll ty e

slot-h-

en g/a ge m e/n t

en g/a ge m e/n t 0 p/en l(l) ye t/h0 u s eye h 0/m e

there is a new guy at work and i think he "likes" me and that is unfortunate. as i do not cot-to/n- 2- w/-h/it- ... today i went to the paint store twice, at the welder's request, he wants these special weldment spray painted. i said i can roll the primer thin and he wouldn't even know it was there. still he wanted spray painted. and there is marine specifications, so i was directed to home depot, and the paint employee searched the store and online, and couldn't find the info to give me the chrominate zinc guarantee. this took a while, and then i was sent to another place with my gps, and no body at the store answered, so i called the number on the door, and some one did answer and eventually came to the door, and the info i got at the shop was for paint, and not the primer, so when i arrived and finally had contact with someone to service me as a customer i find i don't have the correct information. this took some time, and then the spray painting. it is such a waste, so much in the air, and over spray, and blots dripping on the plastic gloves over extending.

the new guy, talked to me how nice it was to be out and about, driving outside. and how i feel is, this is not work, and i have to say, i don't really get the point embellishing it in a conversation, built upon something that isn't real work in the first place. i basically had the opportunity to waste several hours for a spec, that i question with my decade of painting experience. to o the mollify the welder.

i am not mad at the welder, just my 'work' to day was fill in as i may, and the convo with the new guy felt bulky.

at the communal wash, 2 guys were there, i intercepted a move between them as i swiftly reached for the ground walnut soap and regular soap (jeff taught me to mix them) as i said 'shazam'

the new guy said something like he had water for me, saved it for me, or something, and he motioned with the fluid in his hands, and i played it enthusiastically off, as i said 'i can draw my own water' and finished my cleaning b road' si. d.e ~ & of/f (my own) t i'm e

his flirtatious indulgence is b-r/ave-

it is unfortunate that i must "re/ad" as a s-im-p*-le-t-on-

wit -h- appearances b-0-ld- l/ye-

a/nd- 0- wit -h- appearances b-0-ld- (e-)ye- t00-t-he -a- di'-s/ap-pee/r-

a/nd- 0- wit -h- appearances b-0-ld- (e-)ye- t00-t-he -a- di'-s/ap-pee/r-t-he-make-

i really dislike some-one fiddling see-x-u-all-ye-with me

it's a for(-u-)m of painting without the p.r.i'm~e ve i/n t i'm e

the quirky idolatrous looking "up" for no reason, does me know f(L)ave 0re s/yn/th e t i'm e i/n : i don't buye someone dispensing my value to me, as if they e provided the w/hey e ven e w/aye

my value of valu~e ve(i)n t(h)rue

it's a di's-tra/ct-i/on-e-

a 'mis(s) calculate -i-/on-= e- going - st-r/o-n-(ow/-e-)g-

it's a di's-tra/ct-i/on-e-

a 'mis(s) calculate -i-/on-= e- going - st-r/o-n-(ow/-e-)g- X- am/p-le-t/u-

di-s-p/en-s-i/n-g-

di-s-p/en-S-I/N-g-

0-b-scene- - -

ch0sen 0ne

c h/0's en 0/n e

b-0/m-b-

bum-me/r-

this is f/r-au-d-u-l-(l-)en-t-

c-u-r-l-

he-x-p0-'s-e/d-

d-0-h-all(a-h)-0-/n-g-

sam at work worked for the prestigious pratt whitney, and they build engines for fighter planes "e-t-c-", and he showed me a dated brochure from the time he worked there, proudlye, in his work for/t/h i'm, and i wanted to take a picture of it, the momento w/in e memory e p.r.0 f/0 u/n d: the marketing read about the fighter bomber machine par-t- bu-ye- par-t-, "sustainable"

kin d 0/f- c-raze-ye-

c-raise-e-

g i'l(l) t ye g c a st t/h f x f i/r st 0/n e

e ve(i)n f/r~0m

2/24/16

b-0-ld-l-e'ye- re paul. paul ties people too-t-his vanity-e-

somewhere in my sleep, i thought this and got up and roat it down: pi'z z/a (h) reheat and eat~ it would take about a month.

then i thought about 'about' : a/b out, a/b (0)ut : i look at abut today and it means too have a common boundary, end, lean upon

more thoughts from my sleep : get out of the w/oo-d's- , misread me, eye am h ea t/h e/a. ve/n s/0w/e g(g)0' s/p el l(e)

i actually wrote it: mis(s)-re-ad- me /// in my note to me

2/24/16 pm

the guy at work shuts me down because everything he says is to b- scene-bu-ye- rude-i-men-t-ar(r-e-)ye-on-e- me .

i am kind of concerned that his concern at work is complimenting me, and not his work.

wrote an email to my employer and sent it:

Kevin,

I am tweeking a little bit about the new guy, Dave. I introduced myself on his first day, ie that is generically typical of me. I learned his name and he learned mine.

He seems to be overly friendly in complimenting me on things like, in effect, putting one foot in front of the other. I feel the receptacle for the dumbed down.

Not paying attention to him, has only turned up his commenting efforts on me in one sound day.

I don't know what else to say. It is a feeling, and I wish he would stop niggling my consciousness to pay attention to him for no reason.

I am concerned he is more concerned in complimenting me than doing his work. When I go to work, I am friendly, however, I want to know Firstly, about 'your' work: It's why we are here.

The only exchange I have had infront of another employee was at the community wash fountain, and Nate and Dave were there. I reached for soap inbetween them as I said 'Shazam' and industriously washed my hands. Dave said he had water for me, to use, and he ran the water thru his hands for me to observe, that it was, his water, was for me.

I said enthusiastically that I can draw my own water, and rinsed my hands and reached for the paper towel and departed.

It's sticky. the connection, with this person, that has just begun work. And, I don't like it.

Angela

at work today, i was painting in a remote corner of the big shop and he went out of his way to comment to me with my back to him. i responded as if i had my back to him. but i am like, fuck! is he trying to piss me off? he will have to try "h"arder-

curiously i found myself not being very expressive today, open, friendly. i am ware ye.

it's like hoisting a false mirror on me and calling it "intimacy", "connection", getting to know "you" in-re-fle-x-i/on-e-

i am concerned his thinks my initial openess and friendly nature means we are in "love" -- and i am going to be t-axe-d-too-t-he-a-d-e/a.t-h-

Thanks for the quick response.

I feign to bring this up on one hand, because I think I can modify my behavior, and dampen my enthusiasm in being, so that it is not misread by this person, as their something to fondle, and not my own generated esprit de corps.

However, in dampening my enthusiasm, it makes me uncomfortable, like not wearing the right size shoe.

The other reason I feign is because he has worked 3 days, and it seems premature on one hand, yet on another, there is that feeling, that just ramps up with me noticably pulling back today. I don't feel like I have recourse to point out this annoyance to me, be it now or later, unless I point it out directly.

So feign this time or another time, I would rather open this up for conversation and observation, before I start stinting myself in the wrong size shoes.

Details:

1. The first off balance approach was yesterday when I drove to get spray primer, for Jeff, as he wants the small weldment pieces to be spray painted. I told him I can roll a thin coat of primer, but he wants spray paint. I was directed to go to Home Depot. They didn't have chrominate zinc primer. I came back to the shop. Jeff talked to George, and he gave me directions to F.A. Gray, and the product specifications. When I got to F.A. Gray, the store wasn't opened. I called the phone number on the door, and someone answered, and I asked when someone would be at there store. They said they were around back, and someone eventually came to the front of the store, and opened the door. Then the info George wrote down was for paint and not primer, so I couldn't spec it, by the specs. We eventually got the primer, as I spoke of Tyco and vista green, and they said they had an order, spray paint, for Tyco, in vista green. Passed the info on to Ethan, who is ordering our PPG paint from Virginia.

Anyway, inbetween running around to the 2 stores, I was waiting for the information / conversation between Jeff and George to get back to me and provide me direction. I was waiting at the granite table. Dave stepped from his lathe and said it was nice for me to drive around, to get out, to be about, on a nice day, for work.

What fatigues me is contextually unaware, it is a presumption in his conversation that my net worth on day 2 of his working here, is running errands, to fort his prime observation.

I don't feel the compliment is a sane observation of me. I feel it is to reel me in for no reason.

Got your last email. I was trying to fill in the gaps. Small things. They niggle.

Thanks,

Angela

On Feb 24, 2016, at 6:33 PM, Kevin wrote:

Thank you for letting me know. There are a couple of things I don't understand in your note, but the ones that I do understand are not acceptable behavior. Let's discuss further in the morning.

Meanwhile, I will contact the HR consultant John about doing the harassment training for David. That for sure needs to be done.

Thanks again for telling me.

Kevin

addn

I get, that he could just be being nice. It doesn't exactly feel that way. I feel everything he is doing to to direct my attention to him. The presumption that we are emotionally connected and i perhaps should digress to hold up my end of the relatedness.

This presumption makes me angry in my work/ environment.

On Feb 24, 2016, at 6:50 PM, Kevin > wrote:

Angela,

I'm assuming this is bothering you while you are away from work as well as when you are here.

I don't want you to have to think about this any longer than necessary so please come see me when you arrive in the morning.

Hope you can enjoy your evening.

Kevin

Remember what the harassment training said ... it Is a wrong behavior if it makes someone feel uncomfortable.

See you in the morning...Kevin

presumption my net w/0r(e) th

i have many little notes in my starrett notebook i carry most days with me in my overalls. still haven't related the ones per you appearing as i/f (t) you jumped from the womb, as the lig ht bearer you present yourself, regarding, me t/a ll and your wood x would works of l0ve.

i provided the scope and scop(i)e, the leg, on the male be e/ve (i)n the s/eye/am/e. you do not make a mention of me on your format, your "face" book p-age.

no worries, i get the insignia, m(e)ark e/t 0/n e t 'h' e/e

more importantly i wanted to discuss how the pied / black and white turned into the magpie, robbing, thieving imagery., the pied in black and white le-pt- p-(L-)i/e-d-

you didn't jump from the womb bearing light without context to give rig ht 2 L e/ye fe

and you h/a!~ve n T e(i)ther e X c/e/pt pre sum/e ?

I get that you have made your woo-den b-locks to mean a lo-t- and maybe a kn0t.

n0's(e)ye

be/a/k

my fi/t's ex ten d's

your original scope, yet you present it as if you thought about it, the metall, original, orginally all s/0we.

you didn't have this scope when you first made your woo-den b-locks. just saying, just b.c.

paul drinan, b-t-w- bullied me on his j-ob- sig-h-t-. i learned this in harrassment training at my new job.

"h"e- all-s-owe-se-/-x-s/t-0r(e)-t-e/d- me

the "reason" he ties people to his vain nit t(e)ye too-t-he is to w/- h-"ave" aka h-a-b/u-s-e-

just like i wrote to you off the cuff about the oafish person that opened their car door into mine at wholefoods, and "apologized" and i didn't turn around, i walked off and said 'what the fuck' and then wrote to you in my ligature / bound / it works, "s-he" can't apologize enough for not bein g a w/are in my t i'm e too the re pa(i)r e.

please note, paul -ha-bu-s-e-s- stating to me specifically that i can't apologize enough for his insipid stupid mask as god for no reason or the son of god for no reason. the irony is paul does not t each, he t-each-s-. and he is withholding money from me, based on the premise of his word, to me, and based on me fulfilling his words spoken, too the teeth, of & and with my own bein/g.

he is making an artful-l- or art-less- r-e/nd-er-i/n-g- of abuse for no reason, postulated in advance "2" -x- "to/o" : thus his every predic-t-able move of his too-t-h-

he real ly exists to abuse. he "st-a-nd's" to mitre justice as (s)ans ex cue-se(e)-

i think dave has a veteran's license plate, and "fee-l's" he 's-ave-d-e/b-t-he-w/-hey-e- f0r/m/e ("2" -x- to/o- d-ate-)

he s-ave-d- me from war too p.rot-e-ct- me, (and abuse me with c-hiv-all-r-ye- // ro-m/an-s-e- too-t-he-g-r/ave-

i bring this sense of ownership for no reason up, as i did post on the yahoo chatroom, about the man that shot people, don't know what he is called, he was "good" at it, and a movie was made about him. i said he looked 'wooden', and an army supporter tried to ram his "H" down my virtual throat for speaking as if i had the rig ht too the ye see/c h0 k/n/0we

it is this presumption, "we" went to war (for no reason) "for" you, s-ow/-e- can make a scene on you, as if "we" are necessary 2, when in fact it is "2" -x- "to/o"

because i opened my mouth, and stated what i saw in the round, the "man" tried "2" g-round- me d-own-

com-mo/n-eye-

i have found how you earn your m(e)oneye determines how you can L en d it s(ee)c 0p (i) e & sp en d i/t r 0p e

di's-tra/ct-i/on-e-too-the w/ 0m en

h ew/e

h u/e ve(i)n tu`

di's-tra/ct-i/on-e-too-the w/ 0m en

h ew/e

h u/e ve(i)n tu`, 2, too, tw/(h)0

paul saying i can't appologize enough for his no reason, is a farce. force farce farcical abuse forcing-s-him scene as virtue / vert hue, e ve rt hue ve i/n. it's not true. he didn't care about my y/o/u th. he only "cared" to abuse.

given the opportunity, one on one, no celebrity gains to be made (i am a no name on his map of f-(l-)am-e-).

he chose, aka "chose", and i do not get the logic that withholding my money all ready earned, and creating a st-ink- on me for requesting i/t be h ea. r/d, there is not logic too observe. paul is at a loss, and he chose his co-ho-st-at-a-t-0-s/s-

that erroring on the side of egregiousness further, exonerates-him- bet-t-a(-i-)r-e- ?

he is not one ounce of necessity. ne c (i) t (ye)

in fe at h/er

in fe at h/er e

paul can't follow ore f(t)allow th' t i'm e 0n/ e t(h) L i/n e con t/r a/ct u ally e p.r. i'm e

he is hiding that f-a-ct-, he wears my value on his apparent s/kin as he causes me to be "scene" as his a-rt-i-f-a-ct- 2 tooth his "e" vain ... the s/a(i)m/e

tricker(e)ye is his-t- gam-e-

it is a lie to build on him the same in t-i'm-e- he s-p-r-out-e-s- a- too-t-he-a-de-fine-in-re-p-a-st-e-

n/e re on th' L i/n e*

2/25/16

re g-round-e/b-t-d-0wn-a/nd-com-mon-eye-

can't think i/n d/e p(t/h)en d/en t a/ll (e)ye without his re-m-arc-apparent-l-ye-

Kevin,

Thanks for the follow up.

Actually, I didn't interface with Dave all day today and moreso, he not with me until I went home. When I logged out, he was there also, so I futzed with my bag, and he said "Ladies First" for which I promptly expedited, and he added to my back "Always Ladies First"

It didn't bother me, as I took my cue, punched out, and exited. I wasn't hung up on it / his banter, as I didn't feel "contained" in it & was free to leave.

So far I would say I think we are good. I think your presence on the floor is a boon.

Also I thought about our conversation earlier, per work, and you are within your rights, as anyone would concur, as a business owner, to shape the productivity and expectations of the organization.

I do get, working on the floor, some work / days can be more tiring than others, either physically or the day I assembled with an assortment of screws and sizes, pieces and parts for a dry fit, did put a crimp in my brain. Add to that frustration, which I do not face on my own as I am in tow, as I am not competent enough to pioneer the way to complete a job, however people that work the job's start to finish that have gaps missing, be it, a lack of organization in incoming stock for a job, the wrong items, a lack of communication "coupled" with a lack of understanding (I think Jeff should interface with Ethan when ordering, as Jeff knows what he likes and why he likes it, and a different measurement consideration would ease his welding & milling way). I think the workers have your back, and they are there for you, the business, and themselves, however I think sometimes we all have highs and lows and get ground down, and I do suspect, if they feel judged for carrying the load of brain crimping exercises to produce, they are inclined to judge back and spot gaps where administration can / should better have there back and front to ease their way to produce efficaciously, as stated and implied is wanted of them, too & tooth abide.

Middle road : rapport.

So i reiterate, you are within your rights to shape this business expectations. I think fleshing & rounding out the what and why is contextually important, for an overlap of understanding. It is possible some employees don't know what you do so that they have continuity and reliability in work. Perhaps they are just tired, they can't find meaning too.

For me, being in the flow of work, there is a time to ramp up and a time to wrap and decompress. The freedom to gauge what is needed in an approach for & to follow thru, is also a sign of responsibility. That may mean smoke breaks for others, and tea for me, and conversations for problem solving and communication as an energy exchange along the way. I think what burst the smoker's bubble, is you weren't telling them they could no longer have smoke breaks, (they could clock out outside of structured break times) but they heard it that way. I think they feel guilty if they are not constantly applying theirself, because they carry the burden and responsibility of follow thru for producing the job, and it doesn't leave them. Smoking signals relief, in a brief sense for them, a time to clock out of their mind, reaffirm convictions, get their head out of numbers, whatever.

What I have observed of Jeff, whom I work most closely with, is he is in flow, and he takes his smoke breaks as a part of his 'wrap' decompression, or time out to mediate a way to problem solve. On occasion he turns disgruntlement in feeble follow thru to him, into a perk, but he doesn't shirk.

For me, my challenge to honestly proceed on the company's time is to express the option to clock out and discuss lengthy personal conversations with people that want to carry on. I express both Jeff's patterns and my own, and both could be potentially dishonest on company time. So, it is about taking the stigma out of 1. being responsible in your approach to follow thru, and you the employee are free to manage your non work time too, by punching out as need be, with the expectation that you will provide 8 hrs a day of work, for the work turn around time to be feasible in purview to the customer too.

I also think, to continue the soft sell by cell approach, of your expectations, perhaps in monthly meetings, to confirm and reaffirm what you want, to keep it in fresh and personally approachable in people's minds. Note an improvement and/or slack that needs to be tightened. That and being on the floor, and perhaps handing the baton to other employees as well as yourself to lead their peers, in protocol.

Thanks for your time today. It was very valuable to me to be able to reach out and be considered.

Angela

On Feb 25, 2016, at 4:10 PM, Kevin wrote:

Angela,

I just went out to look for you but was too late. Please see me when you arrive on Friday morning. I'd like to hear how today went.

John (HR Consultant) did contact me today. Unfortunately he is in California and the earliest he can come to PTE is Wednesday next week. I'm asking him to pencil us in for that day, to at least conduct the training. What I'm not sure about is whether or not I need to talk with Dave prior to then or if it would be best to wait on John. I've asked John's opinion but I more so want to hear how today went to know if immediate action is required.

Have a great evening.

Kevin

saturday 2/27/16

morning. i have work at the salon soon, until after noon.

pi'z za(h) m.o./n th

t/h

1/1 = 1

the 't' and 'h' should be the same 0/n e t00 th e re lay t g race

race = r/ac/e

sea. tw/h0 se e/d c0/n c/u/r(e)r/en/t l(l/e)ye

sea. tw/h0 se e/d(e) c0/n c/u/r(e)r/en/t l(l/e)ye

see/d e/b t/h e(a.)d./e c~0/n s/p/i r(e) a.t/0r eye a.ll(e)ye

ok, i sense some con-fuse-i/on-e- ?

i have notes, however, off the cuff to g ether e:

yesterday at work i learned to operate the devleig, (the big ass machine, don't know if i spelled it right, off the cuff). and then a new machine that sits behind it called the 'hercules.'

interesting old machines, big ass machines, and a lot of knobs, and dials within dials, and so many things to look at to manipulate in your x y & z, to translate to an action to the machine's x y & z, to the part you want to machine and it's x y & z, from the paper plan which has different views : elevation, plain, side, with measurements specifying x's y's & z's and tolerances to be held with dimensions.

jeff was teaching me. one freaking knob and dial after another. he in a sense throws them all at me, and then tells me to move the machine ie i am set free to operate according to plan or (verbal) direction.

there really is no way around it, sometimes you have to take the operation possibilities at one accounting, pay attention as best you can, because the operation of the machine depends on you knowing how to start and stop and move, move up down over and back and in and out, change tools, spin gears at appropriate cutting speeds.

you have to be given information to put it all together, the gamut of operations, then start driving (the) configurative ly e.

jeff comments that to tap (is like) the first screw (e).

2 t/ap t/(h)r e/a. d. = the f i/r st s(e/e)c r/ e w/e

the competitive market place "exists" e-x-is-t-'scene-

on "2" t-ap-th-s-c-r-e-w/-e-

the story line of creation is "2" bu-ye- to-(o-)e- & t/0-w/-e-

t/o-w/-e-i/n-g- 0 -p.r.e-t-e/r-nature-"ally"-e-

i'm going to work. i want to relate about my newest, visual obsession of sorts. i want a pendleton blanket. w/e st 0/r ea. st.

r e/a. c 'h'

probably be back after 1, or 2

////

changes, my $350 orthotics are now $420 a year and a half later. I asked about the $70 increase and I was told it was the increase in materials. Foam! They wanted to book an evaluation, and I said I would wait. after the salon today, I went to a store that has the technology to read the pressure on your feet, and bought $60 orthotics. When I first got orthotics, this technology wasn't around. It is worth investigating, since I can't understand how foam, with no increase of actual materials, increases in inflated value of $70 since my last pair. I'll try them in my work shoes first, as I spend the majority of time in them, and school starts again next week, and I can't really fathom a training schedule with school and class and the salon, and the studying i hope to do...

i'm looking into swimming though, I want to swim. If I were in shape, I may be able to fit this in a few early mornings a week. However since I am not in shape, concerted exercise will probably tank my energy, and I would need a serious nap to recover, which isn't feasible at this time to gather anytime during the day.

I've read 30 pages of my machine book. This is optional, as it is not a course requirement but was offered by the teacher, an old machine book for class (the info stays the same) as supplementary material if anyone wanted. I was the only one. I have learned about screws, nuts, bolts, threads, classifications, co/arse, and fi/ne, and what they are used for. fine threads are used for adjusting, and they have classifications 1 to 3, depending on the tolerance of fit to the thread, tight to generic.

studying this info worked in nicely with work, as jeff set my up to find all the hardware to assemble a job and i had to read a plan for shcs (socket head cap screw). there are tons of abbreviations in the machine industry : 0d (outer dimension) id (inner dimension) , A (external thread) B (internal thread) classifications. Like I said, I know sooner studied the material than I was able to put it to work, which still put a cramp crimp in my head, I couldn't go home and study as planned. I couldn't look at numbers and compute anymore for the rest of the day.

the contact dermatitis is back, on my nose. I noticed it Thurs morning, which ironically, I also painted and used accidently some acetone (the spray bottle wasn't marked, and I thought it was the denatured alcohol i like to wipe down parts with). Does it make any difference that i was tweaked by the new guy? don't know about the timing on this.

about the new guy. i met with kevin. our morning conversation went like this: i said it was vague. in that it is vague, i am ok with putting this out there and you/ he et al can tell me this is my imagination. i explained being friendly and introducing myself. him stepping from behind his lathe to talk to me, in scope, i felt to misidentify me, as a errand girl put down. (why is he giving me a compliment that t/actually sucks, all things considered per utility in the machine shop, and demonstrates an art-full-ore-ar-t-less- lack of knowing and paying attention With the desire to do s/0we.

look, i get the possibility that what he is saying is true, it is nice to get out and drive around, yet, i explained to kevin, there is no context for him saying this to me. i have no context of relatedness with him, on day 2.

the 3rd day, it was raining, and I pulled in behind the machine shop where a number of cars are parked in lower, higher, and side parking areas. He was outside and he stood in the rain, looking at me, in a stance as if to say "I see you" in mock / perhaps fun style.

I wasn't feeling fun, and I pretended not to see him, and turned around to back my car into a space real slow. When I turned around, he was still standing in the rain, trying to acknowledge me, so that I would acknowledge him. I fiddled with my bag, and pretended to make a phone call, holding the phone to my ear, and looking sideways from him.

When I felt he was gone, I exited my vehicle to go to work. His lathe is right next to the time clock to punch in. He said a rather loud and exuberant greeting to me, standing about 6 feet from him, when I punched in. I said nothing, and punched in and then went about my business.

Later that day, I had work to paint, in the common runway area which has a view to the time clock and his positioning next to the lathe. I looked up, locked eyes with him, as he was looking at me, and went about my business. Later that day, I was peppered with comments and compliments about me being a painter now, and one of the comments aka absurdities, was at my back while painting at the far end of the shop (as I had so many parts, I had to find other locations to set up to paint) that he had no reason to be traipsing about.

Anyway, I explained to Kevin, again, if this is my imagination, I am putting this out there to open it up. My feeling is, 1. I already regret being friendly. By day 2, I was already looking for alternative ways to navigate in the shop to not go near him, be it to the break room, to get a rag out of the washroom, to meet with other's during break.

I also explained to Kevin, me ignoring his comment on me, was visually acknowledged, when he sighted me, and I him, shortly after punching into the time clock and not responding to his greeting.

For which, in my estimation, I pulled back, and he respected this as an opportunity to uncork and go peppering "perfunctorily" forward on me. For which, I explained to Kevin, he is not respecting nuance or reading the lay of the land, on me, coupled with a lack of working context, I said the most fatiguing thing, is every thing he has said so far to me, has been unnecessary.

I brought this up, as I GET it is difficult if not absurd sounding to blame a man for being polite. It isn't about his politeness in reality, it is about his pointlessness, on me, at the very least.

I pointed out day 2, I was winding up to leave, explained my routine to kevin, get food out of the fridge, change from my work shoes (I have a cubby in an unused office I dock my belongings), wash up... and I did all this, and noticed him lingering. When I thought he had gone, I punched out, and when I went outside, he was in his vehicle, warming it up. Kevin checked the time log for that day and it shows him punching out at 3:36 and me at 3:55.

Kevin did mention to me that he was at work when he received my email, and Jill, the only other woman in the business, does accounting and usually comes late and works late, she asked about Kevin working late, and he said he had personnel issues. Jill inquired & he said it was about me and the new guy. Jill actually said, that she felt off (my word) about him when she was checking him in (for payroll, i imagine) and then she just wrote it off as her imagination.

Kevin recently had an employee meeting, and he put some people off, because he gives a lot of freedom in his shop, and felt he was being taken advantage of. He wanted imput, if I had any and wanted to know how to appeal to this renegade group of people he has working for him, that are in part artists in that they take a personal approach to problem solving and the job before them.

That is where the rest of the dialogue in the emails come from. Something that was elucidating came from the conversations.

1. As for the M,W,F 9:00 regroup meetings, I suggested he have someone else, in addition to him, speak to the latest, and among there peer group. I said it was about changing roles, and if he took the time to educate what he does to get the work, and how he does it, the people that work for him will have a better eye view with overlap in understanding too.

changing the roles, i am glad we had this conversation, because it relates to the new guy, and in effect what he was doing to me, changing my role to be complimented for being non essential basic-all-ye-

and i was able to get out from under his "r/o-c-k-" with an agile and admirable conversation with kevin.

i had expressed to jeff that the new guy vibed me. jeff wrote it off as a "pervert" and thought nothing of it, it just 'was' and didn't personally effect him. which lead me to believe that talking about the new guy disaffectedly to my coworkers was not the way, as i would appear "effectively" as a disaffected gossip for no reason, apparently, as my own doing, inherently.

i spoke of kevin, he is christian and it is hard for me to personally not like christian ethics for no reason to deliver any 0/n e 0/n e ve(i)n t0 me tw/h0. H0wever, when i regard Kevin walking his talk, I am fine with what he believes in/n. I didn't say I struggle to bracket my feelings of working for a christian. I don't struggle. I have struggled in the past. So I acknowledge, sometimes a need for me to bracket my feelings, with more regard for (my) purposeful work.

I did say to him, regarding feedback with the crew, and his meeting, that as a christian, if he believes in the good in people, he is in a position to be taken advantage of. He got that, he acknowledged that was how he felt. I added from my own recent point of view as a woman with the new guy, if I am naive/open/innocent in a friendly approach, because I give the benefit of the doubt (until I am proven otherwise) I am open to being taken advantage of.

It seemed to me Kevin was feeling responsible for stating consideration he would respectfully appreciate in his business. responsible in a way that he was carrying the burden of now pissing off his workers. i suggested his workers slack as he sees it put him in the position to have to state his expectations. I suggested he should not take the disgruntlement of his workers feelings with what he said personally, it all comes down to a lack of fulfillment in follow thru (which is beyond his reach 2 x t0/0 // however, i am one for doing amenable ye as can be).

when i say it is his right to shape his business and expectations for productivity, i am not saying it is his rig-ht-, s-h-ape- bu-s/i-ness- a/nd- e-x-p-e/ct-a/t/e-i/on-s-

at the same time, I tried to convey, what he sees as slack in his workers, in not to be taken personally (as against him) either. (we all lack follow thru, there is a stigma of guilt, especially when you are bein/g judged: and it was the stigma of guilt I was trying to get out, to eliminate that, to toe & tow it out into the light, to be autonomous as right, e ve(i)n by write.

the truth, there needs to be refinement on both sides of administration and the workers to produce. thankfully, i work in a place that prizes learning and learning from each other even. so there is a spirit of cooperation, except i avoid the new guy and and what would be my intake with people that work in his periphery.

i judge you /th e/a. v/e n t i'll e'ye a. s/t a nd a/s t/h e/a. r/t i f/a ct in p(L)ace

you judge me with your si l/en/t make

i judge you t/h e/a. v/e n t i'll e'ye a. s/t a nd a/s t/h e/a. r/t i f/a ct in p(L)ace & 0 p/en h a/nd

is your t/rump c/a/rd bein/g ' si lent

you can't relate to me without relating to sharon e vein ly e wit h/0~ut

as far as i can tell, it seems the problem in your relatedness is determining who gave what in the relationship and there fore who owes what in the relationship.

the problem seems to stem from the charm, that c-rumble-d- into the c-harm- you both h-ad-

the discontent with your marriage after sharon emancipated herself from your c-our-age with her own money (me-one-ye-) e vain, has not produced happiness a gain.

sagacity, i imagine, in some ways more than other couple-t-s-aye-

the denouement is to w/rite 0/n e me t0/0 x 2. you can write by right in di vi dual~ly e t00 t/h e/a. v/e N~0w/e g i've n t~a s/t e ~ye

the denouement is to w/rite 0/n e me t0/0 x 2. you can write by right in di vi dual~ly e t00 t/h e/a. v/e N(T)~0w/e g i've n t~a s/t e ~ye

sagacity, i imagine, in some ways more than other coup-le-t-s-aye-

ring (0) d0/ves c 0/0 ed a.(i)m. 0./n g t/h~(e) b/ran/c 'h's

0.d. = 0uter dia. m.e t e/r (e)... a.d.'s a cr0ss i e/ve (i)n

i.d. = in n e'r (e/a.) dia. m.e t e/r (e)

r/e c 0/m p(L)ea.t

as a married couple in the competitive market place you c-0/m- p-(L)ea-t-

the emphasis i am intention too the make, is the pleat, it exists or e-x-i/s-t's- , too the get f0 ld ed inn 0re f0-ld-in-n-po-t-en-t-i-all-ye-

potential-l/e-ye-

sharon's-he- a-rt- get fo-ld-ed- in-to- rich's-ay-e/a-r/t-

"2" -x- "to/o" s-owe the stor/e-ye.-g.-0-'s as/s- ye k-n/ow/-e-g.-0-

the fold , f0-ld- e/b th' re ad 0/0 re t/h-re-ad-

the fold , f0-ld- e/b t/h' re ad 0/0 re t/h-re-ad-